Blogging in the closet – securely insecure

It’s interesting that the longer I have this blog, the more I want to write about personal stuff, which goes against my original mission statement of “I’m not going to talk about myself”. It’s strange to me that all I want to do sometimes is share with you the random things I thought about that day.Then, as I start to write it, I hear a voice in my head that cries “No! Stop this madness! You’re giving too much away. That portion of information could make you identifiable to some random person who will never probably look at this blog. And then what would they think?”

name

Well, then maybe I should just introduce myself. Tell the good people of blog land my name and post a picture. Perhaps my looks alone could get a few more followers…although it might be more likely that everyone will just run screaming to the unfollow button. I know there is one. I lost two followers within a day or two of each other once and started wondering what I did wrong. I then decided I was secure enough in my blog I didn’t care (while secretly hoping it was a glitch or they both closed their blogs or something). See how over it I am? See, I’m still talking about it, which proves I’m ok with it. Really. I was just like, “Pfft”. Yeah, Pfft!

pfft

So, since I’m so secure (which is what you should take away from the paragraph above. Remember pfft? Pfft = secure) why am I in the blogging closet? Why do I do this anonymously? Is it because I’m actually a Hollywood star and I’m worried about blog-aratzi? Or perhaps I’m a great writer who was published a gazillion times, and now I’m just checking to see if people actually think I’m any good, like Stephen King aka Richard Bachman? I wish. I mean…it’s complicated.

Or maybe it’s not complicated. Maybe it’s just that I’m trying to get out some writing without the bias that always come with a byline that tells you my gender and nationality. If I tell you who I am, would you hate me because I was a woman (who sometimes sounds like a dude)? Or am I just a man who likes unicorns (and zombies!) and is just comfortable enough with my girlie side to make you uncomfortable? Would the colour of my skin or my age or the shape of my body attract or distract you from the words on my page? Would it make you like them more, which means, in fact, I could really write anything and get a “but your still hot” pity like? (I’m not too proud to say I’d take it. Yup, totally would. I am not a “like” snob. I understand some people want quality likes, but if you happen to brush by that “like” button for any reason, I’m a happy camper. Didn’t read my post? Well, I’ll pretend you did. And you liked it.)

Why am I so obsessed with that? Who gives a rip what others think of me? I need to be authentically me! To throw off the bow lines, sail into the sunset flying my flag proud. Oh wait, is that a water metaphor? Oh, yeah, I can’t swim. And who am I kidding? I am no one and I kind of like that. I like being ambiguous. It’s like being legion, and at the same time solo. Or maybe Hans Solo. Cuz he’s cool. You’d like him if he had a blog, right?

hansolo

Why do I even care about that? Wasn’t this supposed to be an exercise to get me writing regularly so that I could get back into the dream of working as a writer? But wait…if I want to do this in real life, don’t I have to come out of the closet to get work? And if I do get work, I can’t blog about it because then I’m ripped from my snuggly closet and you will know who I am. And then people who do know me might read this. And what would they think?!closet

I’m not ready for change. Excuse me, I think I’ll just close this closet door behind me. It’s actually quite comfortable in here.

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20 thoughts on “Blogging in the closet – securely insecure

    • That’s exactly it. 🙂 I really do want to share my writing. But I’m not always ready to talk about myself. Pressing the publish button on those posts is harder (although I think the writing is often better). Before this blog, everything I wrote was poetry and fiction so this kind of writing still feels new. Perhaps I’d do better as a professional writing hermit. Me, a cave in the wilderness, a computer with internet, and Bob’s my uncle. 🙂 Thanks for commenting. 🙂

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    • Thank you! I’m so glad it gave you (multiple!!) things to chuckle about. I will most definitely be trying to keep it up. *fingers crossed* 🙂 Good luck on your blogging and thanks so much for the awesome comment!

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  1. Love this. I was blogging very anonymously but completely about my personal life. What I mean is, no pictures and no general information. All you get is the inner screamings of my heart. But..I am slowly branching out. I doubt I will ever have a cutesy little “about me” section that lists all my major accomplishments (none). But I encourage you to tell us about your day and your life! Even anonymously (sort of). Do it!

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  2. A super post! I too have almost decided to give a bit of “myself” to others on my blog. It’s hard not to do so in such an informational, yet social setting. Take care, Skip.

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    • Thanks! It really is kind of hard not to, so setting my boundaries may need some adjustment. It sounds silly, but I never realized that blogging had a social side. Lol. Thanks for visiting!

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  3. Hi livesinstone. I found this incredibly interesting because I, too, have struggled with this. A couple of years ago I decided to write something called, “I’m from the Government and I’m here to help.” It was a humorous look at my application for food stamps. I had the opportunity to publish it anonymously. And there were many compelling reasons why I thought I should. In fact, there were many people who thought I should publish it anonymously.

    This bothered me as I work hard to live my life fearlessly. In the end, I published it under my own name (and photo). The response – it was well received. And others started telling me their stories. This led to a philanthropic project (and a separate blog) that changed me for the better (and hopefully helped a few others). It also led to another very personal post on the philanthropic blog called Grace.

    I find when I write very honestly, I do some of my best work. Sometimes it is very hard, but honesty from my heart yields my best results. That’s just me.

    Best,

    Carole

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    • Wow, what a great story! Thanks so much for sharing it. 🙂 Honest writing does take courage, which can make it hard to do, but I agree that it tends to yield the best results. 🙂 Thanks for your great comment!

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  5. I can tell you personally, that I like to know who’s talking to me. It doesn’t have to be absolute knowledge. I don’t mind it if someone uses a pseudonym, or invents his age or gender. That’s okay as long as I don’t see right through it. But there is something about vagueness, or a lack of personality that can really interfere with listening to a narrator. Just thought you might be interested…

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    • That’s an interesting point Shimon. I can see how a better connection can be made between people if there aren’t barriers in place in getting to know them. My intent is never to intentionally mislead people about who I am, it’s more about protecting myself and skirting around the pre-existing judgements that some people make about each other before they get to know them. However, because of the often personal natures of blogs, it can be difficult to write and not share a part of yourself, so I think that I’m still learning how to effectively balance this out. Thanks for your comment.

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