The Things That Hold You Back

 

 

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Do you ever think about the things that hold you back from your dreams? It might be something mundane, like time or money. It might be something more difficult to accept, such as lack of ability or faith in yourself. Yet, most heartbreaking of them all, it may be simply because you didn’t try.

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When I was a small hermit living in the world (as children are forced to do when they are young and in grade school), I joined a concert choir. It was quite a large group and I enjoyed singing in it, and had auditioned for it with a few of my friends from school, with the music teacher proudly looking on, one day after class. It was not the kind of thing I would have joined on my own (my hermity future was but a growing bud at this point, but the beginnings were there), but with a few familiar faces to chum around with during the short breaks, and the group of us auditioning together, I was happy to sing my heart out for an hour or two a few times a week.

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Then came an important concert and a few solo singing parts were up for grabs. As soon as I heard about it, I wanted it. I practiced and practiced the parts, and was ready for my big shot on the day of auditions. Then the director told us that everyone who was going to audition had to do it during that day’s rehearsals, in our seats, but still in front of everyone, cold talons of fear slid into my belly.

I watched the hands go up as they did the call and each individual sang their bit, and slowly the hands dwindled as the remaining pool of would be song birds got smaller and smaller. I fought an inner battle. I wanted this. The inner sense of urgency became greater and greater until the last person was called and the final call sounded. Then it was like a fire alarm going off in my head.

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“Anyone else?” Heads turned, everyone searching for that one last hand. This was my moment.

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And I choked. I couldn’t do it. The practice went on and I kicked, and then consoled myself. I had made a mistake. I had gotten justifiably scared but would go up to the director after the practice and let her know I was interested, but got a little scared, and I really would like another chance to audition.

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Unfortunately, when I tried out my plan later, I learned the director had other ideas. If you couldn’t audition in front of the choir then that was it. You couldn’t audition at all. I hadn’t really thought of that argument. I went home, disappointed, and sad.

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Even though it was devastatingly disappointing at the time, I did learn a valuable lesson. If you have a dream, go for it. Just try. You never know what might happen if you don’t let anything hold you back.

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And for this weeks challenge er challenge update:

  • Blog post 20/52 – Now only 32 to go!
  • Writing in the screenplay – Yuppers!
  • Drawing – Now only 32 to go!
  • Feet writing & drawing – Check!

See you all again soon. 🙂

~Liv

 

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6 thoughts on “The Things That Hold You Back

  1. Great post! I truly appreciate hearing the reminder 😀
    I have quite a few similar memories especially since for me my hermit like ways were full blown as a child and only slowly began to dwindle as I got older. I am still by no means outgoing, or do well around a lot of people…or unfamiliar people in general, but have been able to encourage myself from time to time to get out there and either try something new or something I always wanted to, but for whatever reason never did …only works about half the time, but I call it progress in comparison to the past 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, you are most welcome! It’s nice to find a kindred hermity spirit. 🙂 Congrats on your progress with this! I know it can sometimes be super hard for me to go against my instincts to duck and cover when faced with the things you describe, but it can sometimes be so rewarding to do it anyway. Aaand sometimes not… but you can’t find the rewarding ones without also going through the “Gah! Why the heck did I do this?” ones, and sometimes even those ones are better done than not (at least in hindsight). 🙂 May we continue to progress and keep trying all the scary things! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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