I have attempted to write a post many times these past few months, and keep hitting a brick wall of excuses. It’s been, sadly, mostly the same for my writing. Even my reading has taken a hit. I think I have been in duck and cover mode for a very long time. Just a dead soul going through the motions with a troll on my shoulder where the angel and devil are supposed to be. That ends today.
I think the issue I have is sometimes I’m not that confident. I question (and question, and question…) the value of what I’m putting out there on the interwebs and often come to the conclusion that there is really, honestly, none. Or at least that’s what the shoulder troll says. I also have no idea where I’m going sometimes, so my blog has become a bit of a messy hodgepodge where humour, book and documentary reviews mix up with social issues, poetry and a lot of random “what now?” posts and it’s kind of just a great big ol’ mess. There are a lot of people out there doing this better, or at the very least, consistently. There are people who have found their niche and are doing their thing, and if that is you, I admire you, because you have found the courage to be yourself, you found your spot on the dance floor and are rocking it.
The great thing about life, amid the myriad of horrible things that I like to concentrate on in my spare time (ha ha?), is that while you still have it, it keeps going on like the energizer bunny. I’m not kidding myself that it will always be that way, but for now, on we thump. Apparently, we are supposed to enjoy the thumping part. I’m not sure I’m doing this right.
So, in an effort to enjoy the thump, I thought maybe, just maybe, I’d try this old blog thing again. Try to grab the courage to be myself, and say what I think, spread some positive vibes (or my version thereof) and really just embrace the mess. Because this mess is mine. It’s the story of the evolution of this hermit, and what I’ve been thinking, and maybe I do still have some things to say. Perhaps as I thump on, the reality is all of these thoughts on the screen and the various stories within are all just reflections of my story, and what I want to share, and may actually look an awful lot like me.
As much as that might scare me, as a hermit is really only a hermit alone, sometimes it’s nice to say what you think aloud. To give power to your thoughts, just for one moment and reach out and see if they land somewhere else in the darkness, like a rock skipping in night waters. I might not see it, but I have to try to throw it out there if I want to see it skip. Or maybe thump. If that is what life is, then apparently I’m gonna thump on! I will try to spread some hermity love or at least attempt to do my thing. Whatever my thing might be. I won’t judge myself for these thoughts, or posting something that could be better. The first step in having courage, is to do something. And besides, in the end it appears that the troll I really have to fear the most, if fear and worry are just the trolls we feed, is me. #loveyourtrolls
Lives In Stone 